I Choose Me

We hate ourselves- we hate our face, our body, the environment we live in
We're filled with so much hate we dont even know what to do with it

We see pictures in magazines and when we look back at ourselves, we dont like what we see.
See they dont show you the stretch marks, the split ends, the gapped teeth- they dont represent people like you and me.
The irony when we're forced down with messages like 'be yourself' by celebrities
When they know full well that they are partially to be blamed for all our insecurities.

From day one we're told what is expected of us-
To be the best, no room to mess it up
We put our life in the control of others and wait to be judged
Define ourselves by grades and numbers, forever believing that we're not good enough.

We're forever trapped in the expectations of the society and we fear we'll never escape this feeling.
We're calm on the outside but on the inside we're screaming.

We've reduced ourselves to ugly,
We hide behind baggy clothes, watch what we eat, care so much about what people think that we can't even walk down the street.
Self hate has filtered its way into every inch of our body, and it kills me to see how everyone i care about is so incredibly unhappy.

So filled with hate, we suffocate...this is our fate, we tell ourselves as we try to pick ourselves up but it's too late.
We don't want compliments or attention from passers by, we crave real love, not likes from a social networking website.

I hate watching people beat themselves up all the time,
When are we going to realise, that this ongoing battle we have with ourselves ,
It's a losing fight.
We're trying so hard to be something we're not ,
When we're already perfectly fine,
We're beautiful walking humans with sunshine in our eyes.

If we want to change how we feel, we have to start from within.
Look into our soul, what's beneath the skin.
'Cause the solution isn't external, don't you see? We cant solve problems from what we see on our phone screen.
We're capable of so much more and you don't need to hear it from me.
See when we open our mind, we start to see things clearly- our potential, ambition and dreams- we become free.

I hope one day you can look in the mirror and live with what you see,
That it doesn't hurt you so much anymore, because youve got more to offer to the world than simply being pretty.
No longer haunted by the scars on your skin,
you fight to be the change they want to see,
But right now, in this moment, i wish you could turn around and tell the world, -
                     "Today I Choose Me."

                                                             -Jahnvi

The Bright Light

Sometimes we shut ourselves off
Trap ourselves in our own mind
Believing it is safer for our demons to morph
With the darkness inside our head, tough to find

In those moments, as the darkness slips in
The drumbeats of our heart pound in our ears
Contemplating what was and how it had been
Thrashing our joys even though it's been years

We've cribbed and we've cried
Wanting people to comprehend us
We think we have tried
And end up carrying load, heavy as a bus

But every dark tunnel has a bright light
And believe it or not, so does our head
We just have to try and fight
And put our demons to bed


 -Jahnvi

Autism

My precious child of seven
When tries to talk to me
I don't comprehend when
He tells me how his food should be

It took me months to understand
A simple message he tried to convey
Nevertheless I hold his hand
Even when there's nothing much to say

Months later, he tried telling me through his actions
What he first meant
I could now understand in fractions
And felt terrible to not have been there when he had to vent

I made him go to school
There they called him the 'crazy kid'
There was nothing they wouldn't do to seem cool
Forgetting how in abacus to them he outdid

Sometimes he ate twice
Sometimes threw a fit
Sometimes he showered thrice
And sometimes under a table i found him crying shouting that he wanted to quit

My precious child is now eleven
Each day tough as a nail
He fights mockery twenty four seven
It is an imprisonment with no bail

Time has flown
I look at his photograph
Little withered and little torn.
I wish I could take the burden on his behalf.